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Don’t blame “them” for not “getting it”

Don’t blame “them” for not “getting it”

“They just don’t get it.”

I hear this practically every day.

From folks in nonprofits, talking about donors who don’t understand how important it is to give to their organization.

From political campaigners, talking about voters who don’t understand the intricacies (or even the basics) of public policy.

From social change activists, talking about everybody who doesn’t understand the urgency of their cause.

“They just don’t get it.”

It’s easy to blame others for not “getting it.” After all, what you’re saying is obviously true and right and good, so they must be ignorant, apathetic, selfish … well, take your pick, but it’s clear that they’re flawed in some way.

Not so fast.

Let’s take an extreme case: If you “didn’t get” what Sarah Palin said in her latest commentary on Fox, is there something wrong with you? (My guess is that she’d say so — and chalk it up to the same “character flaws” that put you to her political left.)

Or could it be that you …

  • Don’t share her values and worldview.
  • Found her sentences incomprehensible.
  • Don’t pay attention to her at all. (Good idea.)

In other words, you have good reasons not to buy what Palin is selling. Reasons that are tied to your identity and unlikely to change any time soon.

Now, the distance between you and the people you’re trying to reach is not as great as the distance between Palin and you. (If it is, please stop reading this and go rethink your strategy.)

Even so, your people may have perfectly good reasons not to “get” what you have to offer — at least as you’re presenting it to them right now. Reasons tied to their identity and unlikely to change any time soon.

Instead of blaming them for being themselves, the key is to understand and honor them, exactly as they are. (Isn’t that how you would like to be treated?)

And the first step is to get curious. Genuinely curious.

How do they see the world?

What stories do they tell about how the world works?

What do they value? What do they hope for?

What kind of world do they want?

If they’re your right people, the path to reaching them is in asking those questions … and listening to the answers. Their answers.

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Are you having fun?

Are you having fun?

I have a friend who’s on the edge of burnout.

Actually, I have a lot of friends headed that way.

It’s no surprise. After all, with so much going on in the world — and so much good work you want to do — it’s easy to get overwhelmed. To say “yes” every time someone asks for help. To end up on more boards and committees and campaigns than you can handle. To try to do it all.

If that’s you, please stop for a moment and let yourself take a deep breath.

Ask yourself what Havi Brooks asks of entrepreneurs:

Are you having fun? Are you getting enough sleep? This stuff is important. It’s investing in your business [or your cause]. The urgency monsters are very emphatic about how this is not a priority. But actually? It’s the thing that turns everything else around.

Ahh. Another deep breath.

Permission to have fun.

And sleep.

And every once in a while, say “no” to “serious” things and play in the garden instead.

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Why it’s time for progressives to ignore Glenn Beck and his crew

I’ve been meaning to say something about this for a while now … and then some great people on Twitter practically wrote it for me. So here we go.

It seems like everywhere I turn, left-leaning folks are debunking the delusional rantings of Glenn Beck. (And the rest of that crew — Palin, Bachmann, Limbaugh, Paul, Angle, etc.)

Nearly all of this well-intentioned effort is a waste of time and energy, a diversion from our real work.

RT @Meryl333 @Proudlib Imagine Maddow or Moyers interviews getting as much tweets as Palin? People would get real info not repeat of lies.
YES! RT @Meryl333 @Proudlib If we could have just left teabaggers to themselves we’d be better off. Progressives give them an echo chamber.
+1 RT @AlisonRapping love this. RT @Leadershipfreak: Harboring bitterness toward others give them power over you. Forgiveness sets you free.

If forgiveness seems a stretch, consider this wisdom from a blog post by @lotay:

So how does one engage with hateful people? Give them what they lack… love and compassion. And most importantly, do not resist or react to their hateful actions.

And then there’s the hard-nosed strategic question of opportunity costs. Alex Zaitchik, who has written extensively about the right wing (including the book Common Nonsense: Glenn Beck and the Triumph of Ignorance) put it this way:

I do think that at some point you have to start asking yourself what the opportunity costs are of fixating on every absurd statement coming out of the mouths of Glenn Beck, Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Limbaugh, and the rest. I mean, it takes a lot of time to mock and/or fact-check every idiocy that is said these days. Sometimes, when you tune into radio or blogs, it seems there’s a real lot of time spent talking about this stuff.

And while it’s important to know, and counter, I think we need to ask ourselves sometimes how much is enough, and realize that it’s much more important to come up with a positive agenda that is educative and based in reality to counter the profusion of lies. Ultimately, what this amounts to is diversionary programming coming from the right wing message machine, of which Beck has emerged as a central component.

I’ll give the last word to @desireeadaway:

You do not need to tear down that which you do not want, you simply need to focus your attention and energy on that which you do want.

What more can I say? Your thoughts?

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How do we encourage young progressives?

I’ve been noodling on this question the past few days. Here’s why …

Way back in the 1970s, I was a college student — and an activist. I protested against the war, agitated against nuclear weapons, supported the local women’s center, counseled draftees about conscientious objection.

With the confidence of youth, I knew I could — we could — change the world. (And we did. It’s easy to forget how deeply society changed during those years.)

The clock ticked. Reagan took office. I went to law school. Reagan was re-elected. I took a job with a big law firm. And somewhere along the way, my progressive, idealistic spark faded.

It took years — decades, in fact — to light it up again. For me, the key was learning to see successes where others are seeing failure. To become firmly grounded in hope and optimism. (You can read all about that in The 2010 Manifesto. PDF)

So when I came across Karoli’s “Happy 4th! Declare independence from negative nabobs’ tyranny” I stopped to cheer.

“I prefer success, and especially hope,” she wrote.

If hope is kept at the forefront — yes, HOPE — we will make opportunities to perfect and refine the work in progress.

Hope pushed our founding fathers to sign their names to a Declaration of Independence. This country was founded on hope and optimism, not despair and criticism.

I added a brief comment of applause, to which another reader, Matt Keefe, replied:

For a young and (sadly) already jaded progressive like me this article and your comments are a breath of fresh air. My generation seems to be pretty evenly split between anti-government nutjobs and “by default” laissez-faire hipsters. Thanks for giving me some hope that there are more genuine and devoted liberals out there.

Ah, the memories of my own youthful disillusionment.

That same day, I happened on two other pieces that echoed this theme. The first was Pam Slim’s “Note to younger self: you were right

Young entrepreneurs, if I could whisper advice back at myself when I was your age, I would say “Don’t get jaded. People will make everything out to be terribly complicated and heavy, but that is only one way of looking at things. You don’t have to change the whole world, just one tiny corner of it.” … Don’t get jaded.

The second was Hildy Gottlieb encouraging young social change agents to explore and experiment.

And I got to thinking about what more I might do to create a culture that encourages progressively-minded young people to take an active role in public life. How might I nudge at least a few of them away from becoming jaded and disillusioned … as I was years ago, as so many are today?

Well, this blog is part of my answer, for folks of all ages — and it may be that the answer lies in getting all of us to feel more inspired and powerful.

I’m curious to hear from others who are thinking about this.

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You ARE a propagandist. Deal with it.

A while back, someone accused me of advocating the use of propaganda. Well, yeah, in this sense …

Propaganda. The systematic propagation of a doctrine or cause … (American Heritage Dictionary)

(Propagation: Think of a gardener propagating plants, creating more of a good thing.)

When you use words and images to spread an idea, change attitudes, or influence people toward a cause or position … that’s propaganda. Especially if you present facts selected to encourage a particular conclusion, or messages that produce an emotional response.

Of course, propaganda has some ugly associations: mind control, manipulation … outright lies. Nazi propaganda. Right-wing propaganda. War-mongering propaganda. (Weapons of mass destruction, anyone?)

That kind of propaganda repels progressively-minded folks like you and me. (Thank goodness!)

We want to treat people with respect. Educate and enlighten them. Tell them the truth, so they can make their own rational decisions. Give them the facts, so they can understand what’s going on in the world.

We sure don’t want to lie or manipulate people to achieve our ends. So many folks take what seems like the safe, respectful approach: stick to “objective facts” and avoid emotional appeals.

Alas, that doesn’t work. It takes more than facts to get people interested and move them to action. (I’m not the first to point this out. But it’s so important that it bears repeating — and I’ll be saying it again.)

So it’s time to dig into the messy world of propaganda, learn what works and why — and then apply those lessons in ways that fit with how we want to treat people.

More on this to come. In the meantime, how about this thought: When you propagate (or propagandize) an idea that benefits the world — advances the human race, improves the health of the planet, makes people’s lives better — that’s something to be proud of. (And with so much at stake, it’s worth learning how to do it really, really well.)

(Props to Kathy Sierra for her piece “You ARE a marketer. Deal with it.” … from which I gratefully borrowed the headline, not to mention the idea for this piece.)

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The Usual Error: Why We Don’t Understand Each Other and 34 Ways to Make It Better

Here’s my quick recap of The Usual Error, a “down-to-earth communication guidebook” by Pace and Kyeli.

You might also be interested in: a review by Hildy Gottlieb, Pace and Kyeli’s blog, and the book on Amazon.

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What do you do when it hurts too much?


I keep this picture of the Earth on my second monitor. It’s meant to inspire me, and it does. But right now, it seems like all I can see is the Gulf of Mexico smack dab in the middle … where unimaginable horror has been unfolding for months now, with no end in sight.

I’ve followed the news closely, heartbroken, often in tears. (As I am right now writing this.) And there have been many times when I’ve felt on the edge of despair. (“What’s the use, when human beings seem hell-bent on destroying the planet and each other?”)

Now, I want to know what’s going on in the world. After all, righting wrongs is part of what fuels me.

But at some point it becomes too much. For me, watching a distant tragedy so intently creates a feeling of helplessness that distracts me from acting.

Helplessness is not my natural state. It’s not the natural state of most Americans (or most people), which is a big reason this situation is so deeply frustrating.

So I’m channeling my energy into my work — and this blog — more determined than ever to change the social and political conditions that led to such destruction.

And today I’m starting a three-day news diet. No Twitter, no Rachel Maddow (as much as I’ve respected her reporting on the Gulf), no news blogs, no sneaking a peek at CNN. If I can pull it off, I might block out everything. Just for a few days … just to get my strength back.

Oddly enough, limiting my exposure to what’s going on in the Gulf may be the only way I can focus on actually doing something about it.

How about you? Leave a comment …

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Why can’t “those people” see what I see?

Ever wondered why other people can’t understand something that’s obvious to you? (Or as a friend blurted out in frustration the other day: “Why are those guys so weird?”) Here’s my take on it … something so fundamental we often forget …

Thoughts? Speak your mind in the comments.

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3 reasons not to use fear to get people to act

3 reasons not to use fear to get people to act

There’s a whole lot of fear going around these days — in politics, the media, everyday conversation … and in the messages I see some folks using to advance their causes.

Sometimes it’s blatant (see American politics). Sometimes it’s a more subtle undercurrent. (So before you say “this doesn’t apply to me” … take a close look at what you’re putting out into the world.)

It’s time to dial down the fear. Right now. And it starts with each of us.

First, I want to be clear: Fear does move people to act. (I know one reason I got so involved in the 2008 presidential campaign was fear of how it might have turned out. Fortunately, there were other reasons, too.)

That’s why many well-meaning folks consider fear an “effective” message and use it to advance an agenda. But there’s a lot more to it, at least for those of us who want to see the human race move forward.

Here are three reasons to look beyond any short-term results you can get from using fear as a motivator.

1. Fear makes people act without thought

That may seem obvious, but it let’s think it through for a moment. There’s a lot of brain science on this … here’s how it works in a nutshell:

Fear stimulates the amygdala — the part of your brain that takes quick action in dangerous situations. That’s great if you’re about to be hit by a bus, it gets your body moving without taking precious time to think.

But get the amygdala all worked up and it floods the brain with chemicals that actually shut down the cortex — the part of your brain that handles conscious thought.

So when we’re fearful, we’re physically unable to think clearly. (And the cortex has a tough time regaining control. That amygdala is a bit of a bully.)

It’s what demagogues through the ages have always counted on — and continue to rely on today: Give people regular doses of fear and they’ll act without thinking.

And that’s not good for civil society and the causes we care about (especially if you want people to listen to a reasoned, fact-based case). It’s in our best interest to reduce the level of fear in people’s lives, so they can be at their best.

That’s enough of a reason to let go of all fear-based messages, right? Well, just for good measure I have a couple more …

2. Fear-mongering doesn’t make you remarkable

If anything, there’s a surplus of fear in the world. Making more of it doesn’t set your cause apart as remarkable and worthy of support. It doesn’t help you stand out from the crowd.

If you want to really attract and energize people, the smart thing to do is to create more of what’s scarce these days: hope, confidence, enthusiasm.

3. Fear doesn’t create the world you want

Every word we speak shapes the world we live in — by influencing those around us and creating social agreements about the way things are, what we want, and what’s possible.

(That’s not woo-woo magical thinking, by the way, it’s just an observation about how people create societies.)

A world filled with fear is not the kind of world I want to live in.

What do you think? Are there other reasons not to use fear to move people to act? Is it sometimes a good idea? Speak your mind in the comments.

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